Why wasn't I this good at graphic analysis when I drew these pages in the first place? Let's tick off what's not working in these pages quickly. Or maybe it's just a matter of taste.
First off, unless you're dealing with ads interspersed through your comic you should be aware of what pages face each other and what pages are revealed as you turn them. Unless you've done something strange, like starting your story on the inside front cover, the odd pages will always be the ones you turn. Every heard of a novel called "a real page turner?" That's when you can't help yourself from turning the page to see what happens next. Think hard about the last panels of odd numbered pages.
So the tilt of the bed in the first panel matches the tilt of the Ouija planchette of the last panel of page 6. (See post above). That's either brilliant, a mistake or non-consequential. In this case I'm calling it a mistake because it's not only mirroring the planchette but also line of girl heads in the next panel. The story point here is about fright. That is better served by chaos, panel compositions that fight one another rather than imitating each other. I had some fun with the sound effects though.
I felt "SCREAM" was better here than another "AAAA" or "Aieee!" I should not have had "Shriek" in the next panel. Graphically it's bad, it's too similar to the FX gag in the previous panel and regardless of content, a word balloon would look better here.
As the title says, there's probably too many head shots on the first page but I still like it. There's lots of variation in composition. The pacing is off at the start. I'm not sure the action is clear. What would have been nice is a quiet moment after the floating planchette. It drops to the board. The girls warily check it out then relax, along with the reader and then the bed lifts.
With that kind of set up the bed levitation would need to be bigger, at least the whole top tier of the page. You don't always have the pages to spare and that sort of pacing is more common in film than comics. In fact, the sequence I've just described would work much better moving than flat on the page.
Color note: as soon as the weird stuff happens, Amber's room shifts from pink to red. And check out that last panel - chock full of suspense so you'll turn the page.
Page 7 has a great reveal after that page turn, nice girl threatened by pointy things. The next two panel showing a door closing on its own is an attempt at portraying poltergeist phenomena. Does it work? You tell me. Seriously. I can take it.
I like Em at the center of the scream a lot. But now that I look at it, one my easily think that Em's the one who is screaming. That wouldn't hurt the story point but it paints Emmaryn as a different sort of character than I intended.
Next, girl attacked by make up. For clarity and value added horror, I think it could have been a wider shot and show hair being pulled. Last panel is an old but still serviceable gag.
I've posted the next page before. I like Em's face being surround by panels that tell two stories: the attack on the girls and their escape as the "weedlings" become aware of Emmaryn. Their dialogue starts sketching the world they think Emmaryn belongs in. The last panel and word balloon provide a big bombshell and reason to turn the page; if Emmaryn isn't human, what is she?
As the creatures become more real to Emmaryn, they become visibile. I used a couple of different techniques to suggest that they're "fading in." I decree this to be a good page.
Warning, it's late and I'm tired so I'm not proofreading the above. Of course the warning would be better at the top of the page but I'm fine with it down here.
And finally, to celebrate the crap tons of suspense in that last panel. The next post will take a break from my examination of Emmaryn. --Tad
you, sir - are FAR too hard on yourself... i still really dig this (and some for the very reasons you criticsize...)
Posted by: craig | 12/09/2009 at 05:50 PM